The following classified report was obtained via the Freedom of Information Act:

In October 1998, Martin Webb moved to Nevada City from the Washington, D.C. area. Within 2 days, due to the abnormally high ratio of KVMR DJs-to-citizens in Nevada City, the first person he befriended was Heidi Starr, host of Voices of Resistance, at an anti-Columbus Day rally. Two weeks later he got a job working for (longtime Dead Air host) Jonathan Hill at a solar business where KVMR played all day long, religiously. Very quickly KVMR grew on Martin, as did his hair.

Over the next 3 years, Martin continued to infiltrate the lower rungs of the broadcaster network and by late 2001 had occasionally guest co-hosted a late night show with a broadcaster friend, who we'll call "Edie Lerman." This fleeting taste of the raw unbridled power of community radio led Martin to enroll in the top secret KVMR Broadcaster's Training Class, held over a 4 week period in a bunker hidden deep in an abandoned mine shaft. As soon as Martin obtained his broadcaster credentials and recuperated from the bizarre hazing rituals, he was given temporary assignments subbing for "Edie" while she began "law school." It was during those late Saturday night shows in 2002 that the mysterious and much beloved "fake underwriters" and "fake news" were born. But soon "Edie" "moved," and Martin began seeking a permanent on-air assignment.

After winning over the upper echelons of the KVMR organization through a combination of guile, provocative interpretive dance, and bologna sandwiches, Martin debuted a 2-hour late evening variety program in 2002 called Not Your Father's Radio Hour" (NYFRH). NYFRH not only featured diverse music that left listeners trembling, confused and wanting more, but it also featured 44 different fake underwriters, such as My Left Leg, Last Thursday Night's Lasagna, and The Color Orange. These were slipped in between the real business underwriters and thanked on-air as if they existed, leading to at least one phone call to KVMR about someone fruitlessly searching Grass Valley for the non-existent store "Everything Amish." ("Spring butter churning classes are starting soon. Mention that you're a KVMR member and receive a free bonnet!")

NYFRH also featured the Big Fun Comedy News, a 15-minute news show hosted by alter ego anchor-overboard Rock Kerplunk. The BFC News attempted radio alchemy-producing light-hearted "gold" of comedy and laughter from the ultra-heavy "lead" of news and current events.

According to Martin, "Rock could do that because he was abandoned in the wilderness as an infant and raised by a pack of rare wild clowns. Unbeknownst to many, there were thousands of wild clowns that roamed the countryside. They used to hunt rubber chickens and balloon animals until those were hunted to near extinction and domesticated."

Soon after debuting, the BFC News branched out to prime time, pairing up with Diana Fox on KVMR's Tuesday morning Gaia Grooves. Unfortunately, two years later, as the "lead" of news and current events got heavier and heavier, Rock began suffering from acute lead poisoning and eventually succumbed to congestive art failure in late 2004.

(Note: By this time, a clever disguise of dreadlocks and beard had formed around Martin's face, providing him with an aura of what's known as "dreadlockyness" that allowed him to win over the confidence of KVMR's reggae DJs. Whenever the urgent call for an emergency Friday night reggae DJ would come, Martin would quickly slip into the nom-de-rasta of the Reverend Chubby Burrito to provide a convenient cover from his other KVMR activities. Reggae enthusiasts can rest assured that while the frequency of Chubby's appearances has decreased over time, he says, "The Man cannot keep The Reverend down.")

Shortly before Rock died, in a freak accident, Martin was bitten by a radioactive bleeding-heart-liberal activist while protesting outside a nuclear power plant, and began transforming from Humor Man into Action Man. He suddenly dropped all of his previous on-air KVMR commitments: no more NYFRH or BFC News or Tuesday morning show. While poring over news media for humor material for the BFC News with his new x-ray vision, Martin noticed that the juiciest energy news was often tucked away in dark recesses, like the back page of a newspaper's business section or on an obscure website. So in the spring of 2005, Martin began producing a new show, The Energy Report, airing the first Thursday of every month at noon. Its focus-shedding light on the urgent need to address how we produce and consume energy, giving KVMR listeners a head start on the issues. And that's where you'll still find him hiding out today.

(Note: While over time Martin's on-air focus has shifted away from comedy, don't be surprised to hear an occasional "funderwriter" on the award-winning The Energy Report.

Also recently reported: occasionally tuning in Monday nights at 7pm reveals a strange fellow named "Newsbeard, the KVMR News-Pirate." We're not saying Newsbeard is Martin, but we're not saying he isn't either. Further intel needed.)

Tune in The Energy Report
Noon-1 p.m. 1st Thursday each month